Telephone Bill Some Corny Jokes The Execution Talks Hanuman	The Lawyer versus the Judge Jayalalitha Sardarjis Convention American Tourist Hands of Faith

RG was highly impressed by Pakistan's telephone system and after coming back to India ordered the ministry of communications to come up with equally good system in record time so that he too can show it to ZH when he makes a return visit to India after a couple of months. Indeed when ZH came to India , RG showed him the telephone system. ZH spoke to Bhutto in hell for about 10 minutes. The bill came to 300 indian rupees.

ZH made a sarcastic remark about the cost of the call to hell being so expensive . RG was furious and wanted to know why the call to hell was so expensive. The engineers immediately came up with the reason. A call to hell from India is a long distance call, but from Pakistan its a local call only.

The time comes for the execution and the American is brought first in front of the firing squad. As the blindfold is being tied around his head, he decides that he will attempt his escape by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running away. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, .....".

Just before the officer reaches "1", the American shouts, " F L O O D !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water. In all of this confusion, the American manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the American has made his way deep into the jungle. After some time of searching, their attempt to re-capture him fails and its decided to continue the execution of the two remaining prisoners.

The German is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing the American's success, the German decides to attempt a similar escape. He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' trick again. Instead, he decides to use an ther natural disaster. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, .....".

Just before the officer reaches "1", the German shouts, " H U R R I C A N E !!". Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of wind. In all of the confusion, the German manages to take off his blindfold and run away. By the time the executioners are aware of what happened, the German has made his way deep into the jungle. And of course, the attempt to find the German fails.

Santa Singh is called on next to appear before the squad. Seeing his predecessor's successes, Santa Singh decides to attempt a similar escape. He knows, though, that his executioners will not fall for the 'flood' or the 'hurricane' tricks again. Instead, he decides to use another natural disaster. The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown: "10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, .....".

Just before the officer reaches "1", Santa Singh shouts, "F I R E !!!!........".

"How could Hanuman possibly be a Muslim?" he demanded.

His Muslim friend replied: "We have Ahsan, Rehman, Sulaiman and many other Muslim names ending with 'an'. Hanuman could very well have been one such name."

"And you Sardarji," said the Hindu aggressively. "Sikhism came into being a thousand years after the Ramayana. How can you say Hanuman was a Sikh?"

"Quite clearly Hanuman was a Sikh," replied the Surd. "Here we have someone who does not know the lady who has been abducted, and he has no enmity towards the abductor. Neverthless he sets his own tail on fire and burns up not just the enemy's palace, but a whole city. Who else would do such a thing except a Sardar?!?!"

"Kaun Saala aisa kehta hai," roared back the lawyer.

"How dare you call me saala. I'll have you charged for 'contempt of court'," said the judge angrily.

"My honour misunderstood me," replied the lawyer coolly, "I do not call you saala, all I said was, 'kaun sa law aisa kehta hai'..."

"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"

"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all depressed. She's lying down in the middle of the highway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for her."

The man says, "Oh really, how much have you got so far."

"So far....ten litres."

One Sardarji steps up. Santha Singh asks him, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds, he says, "Eighteen."

Obviously, everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 sardarjis start cheering, "Give him another chance, give him another chance..."

Santa Singh says, "Well, since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you here and the world wide press, I guess we can give him another chance."

So he says, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds, the sardarji eventually says, "Ninety?"

Santa Singh sighs - everyone is crestfallen and the sardarji starts crying.

80,000 sardarjis regain their hope and again start chanting, "Give him another chance, give him another chance..."

Santa Singh, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! One more chance. What is 2 plus 2?"

The sardarji closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually says "Four." Around the stadium a loud sigh is emmitted and they again start yelling "Give him another chance, give him another chance..."

The sardarji closes his eyes and after a whole minute eventually says "Four."

Around the stadium 80,000 sardarjis start yelling "Give him another chance, give him another chance.

Before he could even get unzipped an Indian police officer said, "Hey you, what are you doing?"

"I gotta go, man," replied the tourist.

"You can't go here. Look, follow me," the policeman offered.

The police officer led him to a beautiful garden with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured hedges. "Here," said the officer, "whiz away."

The American shrugs, turns, unzips, and starts right on the flowers. "Ahhh. Whew. Thanks. This is very nice of you. Is this Indian courtesy?" asked the tourist.

"No. This is the American Embassy."

"Open your spare," said the instructor.

Well, the man thought this was reasonable, but since things can and do go wrong all the time, he asked what would happen if the spare wouldn't open.

The instructor leaned in close and said, "Well, if that doesn't work, the only thing left is to shout 'Here Krishna, Here Krishna, Here Krishna'"

Being an American, the man thought this was a little odd, but made note of it anyway.

Well, the day came for our budding parachutist to make his first jump. The plane went up to 10,000 feet and out he went. At the appropriate altitude, he pulled his ripcord. Nothing happened. Alarmed, but not panicking, the man tried his spare. Nothing happened. By now he was starting to get a bit worried. But he remembered what his instructor had told him and shouted, "Here Krishna, Here Krishna, Here Krishna!"

Two big, hands came down out of the clouds above and gently caught the man, cradling him safe from harm.

Astonished, the man shrieked, "Jesus Christ!"

The hands let go.